Dear Brad
My name is Ahmad Akram, but you can address me as Akram. I am currently a first-year student in civil engineering at Singapore Institute of Technology.
Since young construction has always captivated me and having a keen interest in mathematics and physics in school, it was an obvious decision to apply for civil & structural engineering as my diploma in Singapore Polytechnic after my ‘O’ Levels. After graduating, I was employed at Land Transport Authority under the tunnelling department to be part of the various projects during my six years in the company.
Tunnel engineering is both intricate and challenging, apart from being interesting. From the start, when it comes to the planning to working along the alignment, limitations and the environmental considerations to mining under the ground which is heterogeneous and various challenges accompanied by on a regular basis.
My ambition is to become a qualified civil engineer. I work hard to gain the skills and knowledge in hopes to achieve. My company offered to sponsor me so that I could upgrade myself. However, since I was recently married and am expecting a new family arrival, I had a huge dilemma in whether to accept the offer. Eventually, I did accept the offer, thinking that this is a new set of challenges for me to overcome.
In my free time, I enjoy keeping fit, and I try to workout at least three times a week. I also enjoy spending time with my family. I love to travel, that is where I learn about other countries' culture, behaviour and infrastructure.
I believe one of my strengths in communication is that I can talk with people without qualms when the topic of discussion is something I am well versed in. Moreover, I strongly believe the cornerstone of my strength is that I always listen to the speaker carefully before answering.
At the same time, my weakness is that my writing skill is still developing. I normally speak and write with my judgement of whether it sounds fine with me. Even though I love to read, I dislike writing due to the fear I would make a lot of errors and this will paint a negative picture of me when the reader reads my writing.
Hopefully, during my time in this module. I would overcome my current limitations on fear of writing, by improving my grammar and understanding sentence structure.
Regards
Ahmad Akram
CVE1281
Group 4
edited on 20/1/19 at 8.30pm
commented on Lu Sheng, Jordan and Chun Siang.
edited on 20/1/19 at 8.30pm
commented on Lu Sheng, Jordan and Chun Siang.
Dear Akram,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for sharing in this detailed reflection. You do a fine job responding to the requirements of the assignment. You describe your background in engineering with excellent detail, you address some of your interests, and then you cover your communication strengths and weaknesses. My immediate reaction to reading your bio was that the other students in our seminar group are very lucky to have a person with so much relevant work experience in their midst. That bodes well for our ensuing discussions of the project work.
As for the language issues that you mention as being frustraing for you and that I take note of even in this letter, when I read your last sentence I thought to myself, Akram has come to the right place. You and I both know that 95% of the work an engineer like you does can be done without caring a bit about issues such as English language sentence structure. However, there are undoubtedly times when it matters, and this letter is a case in point. The good news is that you and I are both here to work on that.
(continued from above)
ReplyDeleteSo let' start by looking at these issues:
1. requiring minor edits
-- I currently a 1st-year student > ?
-- something I am well versed. > something I am well versed in.
-- make a lot of error > make a lot of errors
2. oversue of caps
-- to apply for Civil & Structural Engineering > to apply for civil and structural engineering
-- Civil Engineer. > ?
3. sentence structure issue
-- From the start when it comes to the planning, e.g. working along the alignment limitations and the environmental considerations to mining under the ground which is heterogeneous and various challenges accompanied by on a regular basis. > (sentence fragment)
-- My company offer to sponsor me, to continue to upgrade myself, but since I was recently married and expecting my new arrival; I had a huge dilemma to accept it.
> (punctuation/ run on sentence)
My company offered to sponsor me so that I could upgrade myself. However, since I was recently married and am expecting a new family arrival, I had a huge dilemma in whether to accept the offer.
-- Eventually, I did; thinking that this is a new set of challenge for me to endeavour. >
(fragment/punctuation error)
Eventually, I did accept the offer, thinking that this is a new set of challenges for me to overcome.
-- In my free time, I enjoy keeping fit, try to workout at least three times a week.
> (lack of conjunction)
In my free time, I enjoy keeping fit, and I try to workout at least three times a week.
-- And spending time with my family and enjoy travelling, that is where I learn each countries culture, behaviour and infrastructure. > (fragment) ?
-- Though, my weakness is that I am not good at my grammar or sentence structure.
> (misuse of adverbial conjunction 'though')
My weakness is that I am not good at my grammar or sentence structure. OR
At he same time, my weakness is that I am not good at my grammar or sentence structure.
-- and will paint a negative picture of me when the reader reads my writing.
> (missing subject) and this will paint a negative picture of me when the reader reads my writing.
-- Hopefully, during my time in this module would bring me up a notch from my current limitations in my language, and overcome my fear of writing by furnishing me with better grammar and sentence structure. > (An independent clause requires a subject + a tensed verb + a complete idea. This sentence falls short. Can you see why? If not, check out this webpage: https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/grammar/sentencestructure
4. verb use
-- My company offer to sponsor me > (verb tense) My company offered to sponsor me....
Overcoming the challenges demonstrated in this detailed review of your language use in this letter will require a step-by-step approach, but this is very far from an insurmountable goal. In fact, I'd say that what is key is that you adopt a 'growth' mindset, and rather than state that 'I am not good at my grammar or sentence structure,' it woud be more appropriate to state that 'my writing is still developing.'
I look forward to working with you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Brad,
DeleteThank you for your valuable inputs. I will do my part to change my post accordingly.
Thanks
Akram
Dear Akram
ReplyDeleteYou provide great content on your introductory letter that I enjoyed reading it. Now, I have learned something great from you.
You may consider my feedbacks from me:
1) “I currently a 1st-year student..”
You might have missed out a word in your sentences “I am currently a first year student..” and I would recommend expressing the numbers to words.
2) “From the start, when it comes to the planning to working along the alignment, limitations and the environmental considerations to mining under the ground which is heterogeneous and various challenges accompanied by on a regular basis.”
The sentences seem long so you may split it into shorter sentences.
All the best for your future endeavours! Thank you.
Regards
Baizurah
Hi Baizurah
DeleteThank you for your valuable inputs.
Regards
Akram
Dear Akram,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction letter is very informative and I got to know you even better. I spotted one error from your introduction letter.
Last paragraph:
"Hopefully, during my time in this module. I would overcome my current limitations on fear of writing, by improving my grammar and understanding sentence structure."
(Hopefully during my time in this module, I would overcome my current limitations on fear of writing. By improving my grammar and understanding sentence structure.)
Hopefully, the mistake I identified helps you to improve your letter.
Regards,
Jayce
Dear Jayce
DeleteThank you for your inputs
Cheers
Akram